In the last few weeks I’ve had to deal with a ton of exams and housing related stress (finally found someone to rent the 2nd bedroom of the apartment I used to share with my ex). All things considered I think I’ve handled the stress fairly well. I know some of my classmates are not dealing with the stress as well, but I haven’t had any breakdowns, haven’t panicked over marks, nothing like that. And given I’ve already written 8 exams and write my 9th in 3 weeks Friday morning and have had no commitments aside from studying in the last few weeks, my brain is starting to become addled from the constant studying.
However, lately I’ve been thinking almost constantly about my ex. I assume it’s because of the whole, moving his stuff out of the apartment, and someone else moving in plus stress of exams, but it’s driving me crazy. It’s been 5 months since we broke up, it was a 3 year relationship and it ended really roughly, but you’d think by now I ought to be able to sleep in my bed without keeping a laptop and various other things on one side so that it’s not too big. I don’t even know what’s going on in my brain lately. I went through therapy after we broke up because I don’t have a lot of experience handling sadness, and I thought I was doing really well, but it just seems to have decided to kick my ass in the last week.
I did all the right things after we broke up. I got rid of all his stuff (well, I put it in the other bedroom and I never go in there), stopped talking to him, went to the gym, felt okay about myself. Realistically I don’t see myself being with him anymore, so why is this torturing me still? It’s not like I’m lying in bed crying or something, but I just feel lost. This is so stupid. I can’t talk to my friends about it because a) I feel like I’m just bothering them and b) they are sick of hearing about it after the break up got drawn out over 2 months. So now I’m venting on the internet, because I’ve run out of people to talk to, and I don’t know how to deal with this stuff on my own. I’m a super happy person, always have been (except for the years of depression, but hell that’s just the teenage years), and I don’t know how to process the level of sadness I felt because of our breakup. Obviously the answer is just time, but it’s been 5 months, and I still feel like this.
Ha, my mind’s in the gutter, I saw the title I made this post and my first thought was “there’s not such things as too long”.
Thanks for reading, sorry to be so depressing.